We had a technical difficulty in our Sunday service this past week, so we were unable to record the video of my sermon on marriage. So for this month’s blog, I’m going to share an edited version of my notes. For continued reading, see Rick Shenk’s The Genesis of Marriage and Ray Ortlund’s Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel. I leaned heavily on Shenk’s book in my sermon preparation, and can’t recommend it enough. Shenk was my doctoral mentor, but I’ll never write as well and clear as he does.
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Good Questions: Understanding Marriage - Ephesians 5:28-33
What is marriage? Most agree that the breakdown of American society is the breakdown of the American family.
-“Marriage” redefined over the last 50-60 years: “Just a paper.” Divorce numbers the same as when No-Fault-Divorce began in 1969, but it only appears that the rates are down because marriage rates are also down. 50%< of marriages end in divorce.
-But what we need is not to see what’s wrong with marriage in the world but what’s right with marriage in Scripture.
1. Scripturally, Creation is About Marriage
-In the creation account(s), the climax is the creation of man and woman to be married.
-Gen.1: Day 6, male and female in his image
-Gen.2: “not good” that man is alone, so he makes him a helper FROM him
-Since “image” is “male and female” (1:26), marriage uniquely depicts God (as the one-and-many God, ie triune; thus “let US make man in our image”). It also depicts his redemption (like a man leaves his father and mother to join to his wife, so God in Christ brings us to himself).
-Marriage the normal way man images God, unless single unto the Lord.
-Marriage prominent throughout the biblical story:
a) Old Testament: So much drama revolves around marriages
b) Salvation will come through a family/lineage
c) Prominence in the 10 Commandments (comms 7 and 10)
c) Marriage and adultery are the ways God defines his relationship with us (Jeremiah, Hosea, Ezek.16; Is.54:5-8, 62:5)
-Is that how you think about your relationship with God, as spouse, or only as rule-giver and rule-follower?
2. Christ’s First and Second Comings are Ab Marriage
a) First coming: John 1-3 structured to look like Genesis 1-3, including with the wedding of Gen.2 reflected in the Jn.2 wedding, Jesus’ cleaning the temple, and Jesus saying that we need born again. Thus Jn.3:29 “the bridegroom is here.” These events show that the Bridegroom has come and the Bride must prepare herself.
-Mt.19 Jesus simplifies marriage and divorce down to God’s original purpose
-Mt.9, 22, 25 — Jesus teaches that he’s the Bridegroom, and his second coming in terms of a bridegroom coming for his bride
*So in first coming, he pays the bride-price (1 Cor.6:20)
b) Second coming: Revelation - Bible ends with the wedding of Christ to his church (Rev.19), and a joyous marriage (Rev.21-22).
-So: Bible begins with a marriage that failed and ends with one that succeeds. Rick Shenk: “History has a nuptial structure.”
-Jesus’ first coming: He pays the bride price; second coming: He takes his bride.
3. Marriage is About Christ’s Marriage
Eph.5:28f: husbands love your wives like Christ does the church. We’d expect v.32, following the Genesis 2 quote (“the man leaves his father and mother to hold fast…”), to say “Christian husbands, this applies to you.” And v.33 does say that. But only after Paul says in v.32 that it applies to Christ: HE is the son who takes his wife and holds fast to her. Earthly marriage is a mysterious picture of Christ’s marriage to his church, uniting us to himself. Once men know that Christ is faithful to his church, they can learn faithfulness to their wives.
-Song of Songs: Total intimacy in marriage, supposed to reflect our spiritual intimacy with Christ (Gal.2:20 “loved me; Jn.13:1 “loved his own”). Song is commentary on Gen.2 “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!” song--it's an extended version of that shorter song)
-Are you close to Jesus like that? That’s what discipleship is: Him drawing you deeper in to his heart, so that you not only know you need him, but that you have him. In all of your trials, you closer to him, don’t you?
-Thus John Piper: Marriage as a “parable of permanence,” in which we reflect God’s triuneness in himself and his redemption of us in faithfulness. A profound mystery.
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Some practical thoughts:
1. Divorce: Still 1/2 marriages end. We know “God hates divorce” (Mal.2) and “only for sexual immorality” (Mt.5, 19). Any other allowances?
-Personally I can’t allow for abuse to continue, especially if it’s abuse of kids. The parents’ job is to protect the children (Eph.6:4), so if they’re letting abuse happen they’re breaking that command! And there’s likely some form of sexual immorality happening if abuse is happening. But I can’t go any further than that: Only cheating and unrepentant physical abuse.
-“But pastor we were incompatible, and fell out of love. You don’t understand our misery, so we needed to split up.” No, maybe I don’t understand. But maybe you didn’t understand your vows when you took them. You might have divorced for the wrong reasons, and you need to face it squarely. The Lord will forgive you--but don't lie to yourself and make a crooked path where he's made a straight way.
2. Singleness: Disciples respond to Jesus’ hard teaching on divorce by saying “It’s better to not be married, then.” And Jesus responds (seemingly strangely) by saying, in effect, “Maybe” (“not everyone can receive this.”) (Matt.19:10-12) To Jesus there are two options:
a) Godly marriage, where faithful man and woman enjoy each other
b) Godly singleness, where the believer is married to Christ in the Spirit (ie, Paul)
-Today it's thought that sexless living is impossible (Charlie Kirk video: girl who has no category for chaste living). Scripture assumes otherwise: To God, sex is for men and women in marriage as a parable of heavenly bliss (Hans Boersma).
3. Redefinitions of marriage (that is, homosexual, polygamous, incestuous, etc.): The only one with the right to redefine marriage is the one who defined it in the first place. When he “redefined” it (Mt.19) he took it back to the beginning: Man and wife together forever to reflect God and his redemption.
To God, life is about intimacy: You’ll know and be known by something/someone. Choose Christ. Is there anything more beautiful than companionship and self-sacrifice (Project Hail Mary’s twin themes)? In marriage we learn both as we bear the cross with Jesus, and are promised his glory in the end.
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