The Depressed Christian, and True Joy

"'Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.'  Jesus answered them, 'Did I not choose you?'...'I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world.'"
--John 6:68-70, 16:33

Any internet report or medical journal will tell you that depression is a major problem in our society.  From the multi-billion dollar industry that is depression medications, to the frustration over the fact that said medications usually don't actually help, this is a problem that isn't very easily solved.  Countless doctors come into work every day, taking new patients who are specifically sitting in their office seeking help for "this dark feeling I always have over me".  The doctor will prescribe a medication, refer the patient to a therapist or counselor, and since the doctor has many other patients, that's all he can do.  As the patient takes their new medication, the excitement that "this could be the one" overtakes them, and the easy conclusion is that "this IS the one" because they temporarily feel better.  But give it a few weeks, the excitement wears off, and the darkness creeps back in, accompanied by (seemingly) an even deeper sense of hopelessness.  "Nothing will ever help."  The only thing that usually does help is going to the counselor--thus the reports that psychotherapy is the best way of dealing with depression.  But it shouldn't take a doctor or "experts" to conclude that the most helpful ways for one in despair is to talk about it--that's easy.  But again, the good feeling after talking about it usually wears off within a few hours.

In my experience with depression (formerly diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, now skeptical of this diagnoses and more in favor of I-Need-Jesus-Disorder; also, over the years dealing with depressed people in my ministries), I've noticed there are the smaller ingredients, which flow out of principal ingredients.  The smaller include the daily and easily discernible symptoms:  Sadness (over...everything, and not just one thing), Worry/anxiety (over "the worst" happening; more on that shortly), Disillusionment (a feeling that "the world isn't as it seems, and nothing/no one can be trusted...even myself"), Loneliness ("no one understands, and what works for others' happiness doesn't work for me, so I'm the freak"), Confusion ("nothing seems to make sense, and I can't remember anything anymore"), and Racing Thoughts (mind runs a million miles a minute, and can't help it).  While calling these "the smaller" runs the risk of making it sound like they're less important, all I mean is that they fit under the umbrella of the two "principals".  These Principals include:  Loss of Control (I've lost control of where my mind goes, how I think, how I act, everything), and Fear (whatever bad can happen probably will, since self-control appears to be lost; "if I was to walk into the middle of a crowded room, I'd probably collapse and fall down in the middle of everyone and have an anxiety attack, embarrassing myself, because what if I lose control of my legs and my thoughts at the same time?" is a common thought).

It's the loss of control and fear (the principals) that govern the first-mentioned symptoms (smaller).  The sadness is over the fear that governs the person's life, worry is comorbid with fear anyways, disillusionment is over the fact that the world looks darker than it used to ("whether it's the world's fault, or my own doesn't matter"), loneliness is over the fact that everyone else looks "fine" while the person is afraid and out of control, and confusion and racing thoughts run how the mind works.  Furthermore, one feels they can't concentrate on any external task because they're just trying to keep check on their internal thought process (which they can't control, but can't help but try to).
This is the problem that baffles doctors and scientists.  They have no idea how to fix this, but the medical field rakes in shiploads of money each month on medications being bought by people just hoping for some relief.
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Statistics show that this is as much of a problem among Christians as it is among non-Christians.  Christians have the feeling that, as Christians, they're supposed to be happier and more joyful than others, and when they look at themselves and realize they aren't, their depression is perhaps even worse than it could be, because this is yet another thing that doesn't make sense and another way they feel like a freak who is alone in this world (and when they attend church, everyone else appears happy, and since no one in church ever talks of bearing each other's burdens like the Bible does--see Rom. 15:1, Gal. 6:2, 1 Thes. 5:14--these problems people struggle with are never brought out into the open of the fellowship where they should be safest!) 
When the depressed person reads Jesus' words in John 10:10, "I've come that (my sheep) might have life, and have it to the fullest", they 'amen' it in church, but in their hearts, "Yeah right...THIS isn't life to the fullest."  Perhaps their depression seemed to intensify as they got more serious in their walk with Christ--as they began learning the truths about Jesus and His Word, they noticed a break with their old self--and they don't like it, because "I lost control, and now my life is marked by fear!"  So add to their fears and anxieties the feeling their Christianity is to blame.  To those reading that don't understand this line of thinking, don't judge without understanding.  This is the way a depressed mind works, and if the depressed person could change it, they would. 

Perhaps the achilles heel of the depression epidemic is the fact that it's being worked on by people in the medical and science fields who don't really understand it.  And this isn't their fault--for one to understand it, they have to experience it, and depression is a deep and dark place that should never be wished on anyone.  But it is still true that those working on it are those that look at the problem in purely objective terms.  And depression isn't objective--it is not just a character flaw in a person, but it encompasses entirely the whole person.  The person doesn't say, "My name is Phil, and I struggle with depression".  If they're honest, it's "My name is Phil, and I am depressed."  In the former, Phil calls it a part of him--but the latter is more accurate, because if Phil struggles with it, he probably is owned by it.  A doctor/scientist can't understand this unless they understand this.  This is why they can only speculate how these medications work without knowing for sure, with inconsistent results across the board.
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When Peter says in John 6 that Jesus has "the words of eternal life", do you think this is Peter's way of saying, "I know that for me to live for forever, I must stay in you, so here I am"?  Of course he IS saying this, but I think he's saying much more.  Peter is telling Jesus, in effect, "I find my life in the words that you speak".  In other words, "Jesus, I'm encompassed by your words.  They're not just part of me...they ARE me.  So where else would we go?"  This is why Peter later describes the Christian life in terms of "for (we) were straying life sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of (our) souls" (1 Pet. 2:25).  In essence, "once we were lost, but when Christ spoke the true Word of eternal life, it gave us life...now we're owned by it". 

This is consistent with what Jesus had later said in the John 16 passage:  "I've said these things to you, that in me you may have peace."  His words are spoken by him so that we would have peace.  Coming to Him, listening to Him, subjecting ourselves to Him (and realizing that He DID choose us, as the Jn 6 passage states), we are coming to the source of peace.  More, it is the only source of true peace.  "The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life...if the Son sets you free, you'll be free indeed" (Jn 6:63, 8:36).  Jesus is saying that the one who comes to Him (is drawn to Him) will listen to the words of spirit and life, and be set free.  In this, they will have peace.  Being in Christ and united with Christ (Col. 3:1-3), there is true peace.

The depressed mind really struggles with this.  This is because the depressed mind is skeptical of everything, and since it's only concern is to maintain control of the only thing it can control (the feeling of at least monitoring these thoughts), the only thing that would be believable is that which would effectively bring an immediate freedom/healing.  Whereas Christianity (if it be true Christianity) is concerned with good news of something that has already happened (Christ's cross, Christ's resurrection), and must be received in faith (Rom. 4:22-5:1), the depressed mind can only yield faith if the work of Christ appears to be more trustworthy than the work of the world and even the work of the depressed person.

In this sense, the depressed person may be at an advantage over the "normal person" (a horrible way to describe non-depressed, but it's how depressed people view others) with regard to Christian faith.  The advantage is in that the depressed person already is disillusioned with the world--they realize there isn't a whole lot that they can trust in, so they don't trust.  The problem is that the depressed person is so turned in on their self that the only thing they do trust in is their obsessive thinking.  But if the person would come to Christ, they must understand that their obsessive thinking is a subconscious sin, so it isn't trustworthy either!  And yet even with this, based on the work of Christ, God adopts you and calls you a child even WITH your obsessive thinking, with the promise that He'll help you and change you.

The depressed Christian may say "I don't feel any different--I don't feel like a child of God; I thought Jesus said He'd set me free".  But again, Christian faith is based on a proclamation--the Word of Christ--and not feeling or emotion.  The Word comes first, and the feelings and emotions are taken care of over time, as your life is built on the rock of this Word (Matt. 7:24-29; Jude 20-21, 24-25).  When Romans 13:14 tells us to "put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh", it doesn't mean "put on the peace and happiness contained in Christ", as though we could force that--it means "come to Christ and listen to His Word--and the peace will come as He works his word into your bones; put on Him, and He'll put on His peace in you". 

What makes "Christ and Him crucified" a "stumbling block...and foolishness" to many people (1 Cor. 1:23) is the fact that people only will buy into something which appears to be immediately helpful.  The word of the cross where Christ is crucified subjects the one who hears it and says, "Even if you don't think you need this--you're dependent upon it for life."  Peter realized this.
Perhaps the depressed person, with the obsessive thoughts, hopelessness, sadness, etc. could take inventory of the truth that it appears there isn't anything to lean on anymore, and throw themselves on the mercy that is in Christ.  The only way to change bad thought habits based on falsity is to continually keep coming to the foot of truth.  God's Word is truth (Jn 17:17), and God's Word is Christ (1:1). It won't be easy, or instant--but it'll be true, and over time, it will be effective.

Jesus said that if one would come to Him they must "deny themselves" (Mark 8:34).  I've dealt with depressive thoughts and tendencies for about 6 years now (and I think longer than that--but they intensified 6 years ago).  But the difference between now and a few years ago is found in that statement:  they're becoming just thoughts and tendencies--they don't own me anymore.  Why is this?  Because Christ owns me.  It hasn't been quick--it's taken time.  But it's the truth.  God prophesied before Jesus came that when He came, "the nations will know that I'm the Lord" (Ezek. 36:23), and there are many such statements in Ezekiel and Isaiah.  Friend, Christ has come to reveal that He is Lord.  And when we turn to Him, despite all of our assumptions and thoughts and obsessions and problems...and most importantly, our sin...He shows us that He's Lord, and then He gives us His peace.  But His peace only comes through His Word.  Just ask Peter!  The answer is not "have more faith"--the answer is "put on Christ, and be patient".

So I'll close with 5 quick points of take-away--a few thoughts from one pilgrim on the way to another:
1.  Don't listen to yourself.  The enemy the Devil seeks to devour you (1 Pet 5:8), and he'll do it through accusations and lies (Gen 3:1-2, John 8:44).  One of the greatest ways this happens is through his convincing you that you're standard of truth (especially regarding yourself) is better than God's.  Don't listen to yourself.  Listen to Christ and His Word--HE'S the truth (Jn 14:6, Eph. 4:21).  Even preach the gospel to yourself (out loud...speaking), for then you'll hear yourself, and you'll have faith (Rom. 10:17).
2.  Don't think you're alone.  In the same 1 Peter passage quoted in the above point, after speaking of the devil, Peter adds, "Resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world" (5:9).  Furthermore, your Savior was full of anxiety at one time as well, "to the point of death"--He knows what you're going through (Matt 26:37-39, Luke 22:44).  He was betrayed by a good friend, and even knows what it's like to pray a prayer to God that doesn't get answered ("Let this cup pass from me..." after which he drank the cup fully).
3.  Don't look inside--look outside.  You will never be saved by "finding yourself" or "understanding yourself".  The only way to be saved is to look OUT to Christ and find peace at the throne of grace which you approach through Him (Hebrews 4:15-16).
4.  Believe what Jesus says regardless of how hard it is to believe.  He's Lord, He's resurrected, if He says you're His, you are, even if you don't feel like it necessarily.
5.  Allow this depression to swing the door open to the renewing of your mind that happens in Christ.  Rom 12:2 calls you to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so you can discern what the will of the Lord is".  A similar statement is made by Paul in Eph. 4:22-24:  "Put off your old self...and be renewed in the spirit of your minds...put on your new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."  Though it may not seem like it, this depression is (not "might be", but IS) God's gracious way of sovereignly changing/shaping/molding you into the likeness of Himself in Christ--and to get to Christ's resurrection, you have to take up the cross and die to your sin with Him.  But there WILL be resurrection!

"So take heart, for I have overcome the world."