It’s been almost six months since the last time I wrote a blog post. Much has changed in that span. Let me bullet point the most important:
1. I left my ministry post in New Jersey.
There were a lot of reasons, but the main two were these:
a) The fit in NJ was never a really good one. I knew this early on. But when I had earlier gone back to seminary at a reformed school, I realized I was more of a baptist (not presbyterian) in my understanding of baptism and ecclesiology, so I assumed that I should be in that kind of church (a baptist one). I was a little ignorant, however, of the cultural norms and expectations that accompany (most) baptist settings. When I got to NJ, I began to learn early on how I don’t fit that type of church culture as well as I assumed I would. But I was able to last 7.5 years, and am grateful for the Lord’s kindness in sustaining us there—nothing in the Christian life is ever wasted. Much good came out of my time in NJ. I’m so thankful for the friendships and fellowship gained there. That said, the second main reason…
b) The hurt I experienced at a lack of support from some prominent church members while under heavy attack from a once-trusted brother was so overwhelming that I couldn’t stick it out any longer. The vast majority of church members at FBC Newton were so loving, embracing, appreciative, etc. Then there are others, and I’ll leave it at that. I think (a) above influences this sub-point (b) to some degree: Few Christians ever intend to “bite and devour” (Gal.5:15); usually biting and devouring comes by over-comittment to tradition and under-commitment to the gospel.** Maybe that is what happened in NJ, but only the Lord knows the heart. In any event, it was time to leave.
2. It took time figuring out what was next for Kate, the kids, and I.
After finishing my PhD last year and publishing my dissertation this year I applied to many theology teaching jobs. I was burnt out and over the ministry grind. So I thought, “I’ve been teaching part-time for years. Maybe it’s time to go full-time." Nothing opened up—the well couldn’t have been dryer for me. So, begrudgingly, I applied for church jobs again. I had one church on the Jersey Shore that took me really deep into the interview process (I preached there) before telling me that their fifteen-person search committee (!) didn’t pass me through to the congregation as a candidate. That crushing news came on my last Sunday at the church I pastored, so it was like two break-ups in the same day. Effectively, I became a pastor without a pulpit, a dad and husband without a job.
So I kept applying, talking, interviewing, etc. Kate and I packed up the parsonage in storage and then took the kids down to Memphis and Florida for time with family. I interviewed deep with churches in South Carolina, Chicago, Rhode Island, and Brooklyn. While the time was scary, I also felt free. I went three months without a paycheck, the longest time in my adult life. I know this isn’t long relatively; but for me it was. But it was a time to truly trust God, with no contingencies. In hindsight the time passed quickly, though it didn’t seem quick then.
3. We moved east, and I’m finally healing.
I mentioned Rhode Island as one of the churches at which I interviewed. Darlington Congregational Church is a reformed congregation in Pawtucket, just north of Providence. To be clear, I considered DCC to be the third of three high probabilities, after churches in South Carolina and Chicago. But the process here was so clearly of the Lord, I couldn’t resist:
a) My interview was fun and laid back while also gospel-serious;
b) My Sunday preaching and meeting the church felt at home; and
c) I got an almost 100% vote to be called.
In God's kindness we have been made able to buy our own house (the church helping), and we’ve been here since late August. The Stines have become Rhode Islanders. My brief morning commute has me head east out of Rhode Island and into Massachusetts, then south back into Rhode Island. I’d never been to either state before I interviewed here. I’m amazed both at the Lord’s lovingkindness to us, and at his wisdom.
My journey as a man, Christian, and pastor has been unusual. I was a Christian Churches/Churches of Christ kid who went to a Nazarene school for my undergrad before going back to the Christian churches for a youth and worship call. When early 20s depression led me to read Scripture as it is intended to be read—as God’s Word to me—I became convinced of the so-called reformed doctrines of grace, and I had to preach. Taking a pulpit in the Christian Churches showed me that I would eventually have to leave that family of churches I’d called “home” most of my life. So I went to a reformed seminary for further training, and eventually took the NJ job in a baptist church. But since I clearly didn’t fit there very well either (all the reasonings are for another blog), I kept on with training and school, finishing my PhD, seeing if the Lord would lead somewhere else, or have us stay in NJ. I never guessed I’d become the pastor of a congregational church…aren’t they infant baptizers, and liberal? Not Darlington CC. We’ll dedicate infants, sure, but we won’t baptize. And our theology is far from liberal: We’re a reformed congregation that wants the nations to see the grace of God in Christ, and how life-changing and life-giving it is.
I can tentatively say, for the first time in a long time, that I’m happy to be in ministry. My recent dark summer had me rereading John Piper, CS Lewis, and Jonathan Edwards. Piper reminded me what ministry is, Lewis reminded me what the gospel is, and Edwards reminded me what the purpose of all this is, namely, that God would be glorified in sharing his love and goodness with us. I can honestly say, with cautious optimism, that I’m healing. But for Christ, even the wounds and affliction, which all the godly must endure, are worth it.
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**See Ray Ortlund, Sam Allberry, You're Not Crazy: Gospel Sanity for Weary Churches (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2023), 16-19.
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